Monday, July 20, 2009

Recap Monday/POWER RANKINGS

I'm not going to bore you with a long winded recap of a all-star shortened week (although I was pleased to see the Daddy's take it on the chin). We'll go back to our regular scheduled recap Monday next week, when we have a sufficient amount of stats to analyze, breakdown, and make fun of.

I'm happy to re-introduce a league favorite, T-Dubs power rankings. Now that we're halfway through the season, how appropo to take a snapshot of the league (and who better to do it than the Almighty T-Dub). So here we go, take it away, Michael Schofield....

Now that I’ve stopped shaking from the debauchery (special thanks to Hackman and #9) coupled with the unbelievable high of one of the greatest sets of sporting events I’ve ever been able to attend, I sit here prepared to offer a mix of All-Star break power rankings broken into levels ranked by the weekend itself.

THE CHARITY FUN RUN DIVISION:

There’s no real way to describe the meaningless commitment one makes to a charity 5k fun run to kick off All-Star festivities on a Sunday morning – in fact, #9 and I worked our lungs so hard (a mixture of “lung darts” and fantasy talk) Sat night that I gave it nary a thought. Couple that with our already late return from the heaven that is East Saint Louis … topped off by leaving the Red Bull Party at Pointe 400 at approximately 4:30 a.m… you get the picture. No chance either of us were wasting our time with that stupid cardio-crap … get to the point you say? It’s POINTLESS, why do these teams equally waste their time?

Baby Gorillas, CO Yanks: Injuries … injuries … injuries. It is no mistake that these teams have had no luck this year. The dints and dings are sometimes insurmountable, just look at the guts of these rosters on Day 1. I know my time will come to experience this torture, so do all of you readers, but injuries are to fantasy baseball what Hendo’s punch to the face of Bisping’s jaw was Saturday night … deadly.

LEGENDS & CELEBRITY SOFTBALL DIVISION:

Sure … it sounds fun. Who wouldn’t want to watch Bob Knight and the like waddle around like ducks following torrential downpour that wouldn’t end. Uh … #9 for one … he didn’t make it that far … oh, Hackman and yours truly were equally engaged, making it all of 2 very painful innings before again deferring to a 2nd night on the East side after a stint on the grill. Look, get some bigger names, have some chicks show some cleavage (no Hackman, Shawn Johnson is in no way “hot”), and spike the ratings … same for this team, it just needs a spark.

Year 2000!, : Year 2000! Could easily fit in the black and blue category, but hey, you’re in striking distance. Get those d-cups out there, or your players in this case, and put on a show – its what the crowd wants! The only event I was really disappointed in. The fact is Fenway Ed, you are in striking distance if your players will use their “assets”.

THE XM FUTURES DIVISION:

The future is bright (maybe even this year?), even if there is a rain delay which forces fans to drink large quantities of really expensive booze in a concourse for 4 hours standing in a circle dissecting every possible 3-way deal our fantasy rosters could stand, drowning out your moment of today.

Lawndale Longhorns, The SwinGERS: Its been an uphill climb … and that speaks to the draft approach of these two, partly. Youth is present and sparks are there, and it doesn’t hurt as the wins are starting to come today. Look … you’re still on Sunday and two days from the big show that everyone wants to watch (largely because you’re in PG East), but you have a chance. The crowd doesn’t care, but you’re close enough to smell the big show.

HOME RUN DERBY DIVISION:

This group is pretty fun to watch. Was it a bit of a letdown knowing how good it was last year with Hamilton … sure. But it was an awful bright stage that few sporting events can claim. These guys are good enough to put on a show, so you just gotta go and you gotta watch and you probably take it pretty serious. Take these teams serious. What a great lead into the All-Star game Monday night turned out to be.

Clark & Addison, Cornholers, Client #9: C&A … I apologize for everything I said about old-man Wakefield. 10.5 out of first and sniffin’ with a big win here or there. Cornholers … heck, not many have been on a better run, its that simple, but the hole you dug was deep. Client #9 is no joke, but approx 25 games out is like being Pujols with 5 HR’s and chasing multiple guys with 11+, its not very likely that dog’s gonna hunt.

ALL-STAR DIVISION:

The best of the best, a truly memorable experience. I did think it would be good, but forget about it. Let me just say that from the glorious opening ceremony … honestly one of the coolest moments I’ve ever witnessed ... to the emotional game where the players really did care and the play showed it, just an unreal experience. Somehow #9 decided it was ok to jet Tuesday before the game (!!??!!) … but it was a great night, great atmosphere, and just the real deal.

Jimmy’s Daddy, Hoosier Heat: Fantasy wise, these two teams are just flat out good just like the all-star game was in my eyes. The Daddy’s are not weak anywhere, save having a third closer (PG did not pay me to say that). And Hackman? He is putting a great chase on, and he’s no doubt 1a in this field of teams. I’m saying it now – watch out for Santana and his new mouthpiece … he was nails last night, call me crazy, but mark my words.

PEPPER LOUNGE/HARDEE’S FRENCH MAID DIVISION:

This team … and this broad, doubling as Pepper Lounge bartender by night and French maid for the Hardee’s French Dip whatever it is burger (former Rams cheerleader) by day … are in a league of her ..errrr … I mean their own. See starting video above (short blonde hair chick, good God) … I know one of you might even remember her.

TallCorn Cobras – Just like this chic, the Cobras stand alone. Enough said.

8 comments:

PG said...

Great post, T-Dub. You hit it dead-on...I am charity fun-run status. And the injuries have hurt (no pun intended).

Is there anything better than Hardee's chick? I don't think so. And I told this to T-Dub in private and I'm gonna say it publicly...you are my hero.

Mr. Hackman said...

Gotta love the themed power rankings! Let's be honest though, does anybody really have a chance to make it into the "Hot Hardee's Chick" league other than T-Dub? I think not.
I hated that short week, I was just happy to get out of it 5-5. I had to chuckle when Kinsler hit his 2nd HR last night to cost T-Dub a "W" in RBI(not rbi'S).
Also, curious to know what the playoff format of our league is...

Cornholers said...

Great question on the playoff format. Is it top 4 from each division, or top 3. I'm 4 back of #9 right now and trying to surpass him in the standings, thinking that should lock me into a playoff spot (and yes I would be in 2nd place if I was in the minor's division).

Great theme for the rankings, very well put together....the post I mean, although the Hardees girls aren't too shabby...

T-Dub said...

Hackman's French Maid equivalent was the asian stripper from our neighboring high school rival, Riverton Parke (aka, River-tucky.) Think he might've mentioned that last week ... but guy was in a trance from her.

And well said, C-hole ... they are very well put together those sluts.

Michael said...

Seriously, I didn't even read the post.. something else got my attention...

Cornholers said...

I'm not sure if anyone has seen but TDub will have another 10-0 week because Fenway Ed completely screwed himself and the rest of the league by having an illegal roster.

What the eff, Ed? Is it that hard to slot in a RP for one week? Way to make an already insurmountable lead entirely out of reach!!!

Michael said...

he had that last week too. I think it is his choice to do that, is it not?

Otherwise, I will take a 10-0 week.. (sorry Ed)

Mike said...

The Rockpile does not even qualify for a wise ass remark in the power rankings (trust me, there are plenty of them to make). What gives?