Monday, December 14, 2009

First Round Wrap-Up

Roscoe Village Hot Dogs-125
Jimmy's Daddy-65

Who's your Daddy now, Hef? The Hot Dogs come out in week 1 of the playoffs with an absolute statement maker. The league is on notice, this isn't your father's Roscoe Village Hot Dogs. Despite a few of the Hot Dog receivers, the squad was running on all cylinders. Hef was left scratching his head after Randy Moss, Antonio Bryant, and Jerome Harrison simply didn't show up. Hef was serving up shit burgers while the Hot Dogs were having a BBQ of their own.

CO Giants-142
Tallcorn Cobras-64

Talk about statement makers, the CO Giants have established themselves firmly as the team to beat in the playoffs. Giant Mike is in the drivers seat and is the odds on favorite to win the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm sorry, when Brandon Marshall is catching 21 passes for 32 fantasy points and Chris Johnson is throwing up his usual 35, nobody in this league is going to come close. T-Dub saw a bad situation get worse, with lackluster showings from star Tom Brady, Fred Jackson, and his receiver corp. He needed stellar performances from all to stay in this matchup. Instead, the Cobras are left cleaning out their lockers.

Nigerian Nightmares-111
Lawndale Longhorns-97

Huge win for the Nigerian Nightares, who upset the first place Lawndale Longhorns, and advance to the semi-finals of the playoffs. Without DeSean Jackson's monster game last night, Old Linc would be preparing his concession speech or biting his nails for a big Vernon Davis game this evening. For New Linc, the key was the underperformance of Aaron Rodgers, coupled with abysmal numbers from his receiver corps (and Johnny Knox sitting on the bench certainly is salt in the wound). So New Linc goes home, and Old Linc lives to fight another day. Sometimes the younger brother does come out on top.

Hoosier Heat-76
The Goat Locker-62

What a week to get the injury bug. The Goat Locker has put up monster numbers all season, and Hoosier Heat was viewed as a road apple on the way to the finals. That is usually when the other shoe drops. And did it ever. I don't know what hurts more. Mike Bell sitting or Reggie Bush blowing up in his stead. Then there's Brett Favre's favorite target Percy Harvin. After 3 weeks in a row with a touchdown, he sits this week...absolutely painful. These injuries left a huge opening for Mr. Hackman, who took advantage and is now advancing. All it took was a great performance from Adrian Peterson and C level numbers from the rest of the squad. Have fun cleaning out that Goat Locker, Goat Locker.


Cornholers said...

2nd round matchups will be updated on Tuesday morning.

And seriously, Brady and the Pat's killed a 10-team Tease that would of made a great gambling day for me over-the-top.

Now I'm left needing to double-bang the AZ/SF game tonight to cap my great weekend.

PG said...

I hope you're taking the Cardinals.

PG said...

I hope you're taking the Cardinals.

Cornholers said...

Yep. Cards and the Over. Still have that tied to a 8-game teaser (other 6 hit), so I'll double up tonight and take the Cards straight up.

Got to love the Eagles game last night. The over hit by half time making it easy to retire to bed early.

PG said...

Yeah, that was was a scoring orgy.

I actually wagered my first over/under bet of the season yesterday and it hit. Normally don't care for those types of bets.

Old Linc said...

Lincoln looked like Antietam yesterday. I, in my Union blues, and that slave-loving brother of mine to the south, in his Confederate grays, had no choice but to square off in the open field that separates our homes.

My Jets defense was able to ignore Ken Burns' camera crew, and became a surprising source of much needed points. When the Rodgers to Jennings TD was called back, the Longhorns knew history had all ready decided this one.

In the Nightmare camp, the wounded are being tended to and the muzzleloaders are cooling. Time to diagram my next victory.

PG said...

By far the funniest post I have ever read....well done, Old Linc.

PG said...

By far the funniest post I have ever read....well done, Old Linc.

Cornholers said...

2nd Round (Semi's) matchups have been updated.

CBS has CO Giants and Nigerian Nitemares as the early favorites.

Michael said...

I look forward to smashing some Hot Dogs this weekend.

But, how were the second round matchups determined?

PG said...

The way the playoff brackets are set up, aren't the Hot Dogs supposed to be playing Hoosier Heat and the Nigerian Nightmares supposed to be playing the CO Giants?

Michael said...

This was how I believed the second round would look like... I dont really care who I play, but we should do it the right way for a money league...

Blogger Cornholers said...

1st Round:

1 vs. 8
2 vs. 7
3 vs. 6
4 vs. 5

2nd Round:

Winner of 1 vs. 8 against winner of 4 vs. 5.

Winner of 2 vs. 7 against winner of 3 vs. 6.


Self Explanatory.

December 2, 2009 2:36 PM

PG said...

3K tried to explain to me his rationale yesterday, and it did make sense (based on the brackets that he sent to me).

However, if he initally stated the following-

2nd Round:

Winner of 1 vs. 8 against winner of 4 vs. 5.

Winner of 2 vs. 7 against winner of 3 vs. 6.

Then I believe this is what we should go with.

3K, what are your thoughts? Can we get a ruling?

Michael said...

I know the idea with the matchups is that 1 vs 8 and 4 vs 5 are on one side and 2 vs 7 and 3 vs 6 are on the other side.

That way, if favorites win, it is 1 vs 4 and and 2 vs 3.

Then 1 vs 2 plays each other. Again if favorites win. And the #1 team has the advantage of playing the lowest seed on its side of bracket.

Cornholers said...

Michael, you are correct. It was set this way initially and I blame PG for throwing a wrench in it by sending me text after text with pictures of brackets that he had hand written up.

I will fix the matchups today. I also will no longer accept any changes to the system, nor respond to texts requesting explanation. It is what it is, play the game and shut it.

PG said...

Only 3K can screw up and blame it on someone who had nothing to do with the decision making process on the playoffs. Textbook 3K. When in doubt, blame somebody else. Bravo.

Perhaps all of this could have been averted if the playoff format wasn't decided on an ad-hoc basis a little over a week ago.

Cornholers said...

This is my last comment on the topic....

In an attempt to have full disclosure I engaged in dialogue with the previous Commissioner, assuming he would have valuable insight into the process. Instead what I received from the past commissioner is what I can only assume was a marked attempt to derail the office and take me along for the ride. Shame on you PG, you're better then that.....

Michael said...


Hilarious... I think what might have thrown someone off (PG) is that the brackets on sportsline were not correct. I dont think they were set up in any order, just who first round matchups.

Again, dont care who I play, just want it to be correct so no one has any problems with it...

PG said...

And this is my last....

In an effort to assist the current commissioner and quell any further embarrassment and shame his office has already endured, I offered a few suggestions.

One of the brackets I sent him had the incorrect seedings. So allow me to say three little words that 3K has been incapable of saying in the 24 years I have known him...

...I was wrong.

He apprised me of my incorrect seedings and sent along what he thought was correct. Keep in mind the matchups he sent me (and what were subsequently posted yesterday) were NOT the same matchups he initially conveyed a week or so back when he set the playoffs.

You can blameshift all you want, 3K, the fact of the matter is what you posted yesterday (without my incorrect assistance) was different from what you initially declared to be the playoff scenario.

I'll be more than happy to "play the game and shut it". As long as the initial rules that were spelled out are ahdhered to, you'll hear no complaint from me.

PG said...

BTW, do any of you two (3K and Giant Mike) find it funny that we're the only 3 that post on this blog and this entire back and forth is only being read by the three of us?

Anonymous said...

I'm reading it. Somehow the Brawlers are getting screwed..hahahahahaha.

Michael said...

We should insert the Brawlers in a Toilet Bowl Game against Rockie Mike..

Anonymous said...

Not so fast my friend! The toliet bowl would be between Chimps Gone Wild & Rockpile.

PG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Old Linc said...

Jimmy, called down the thunder, my friend. I look forward to our battle.

On a personal note, I have a family Christmas at a local banquet hall (insert joke here) on Sunday. To my knowledge, the venue possesses no televisions. You are out of your damn mind if you think the Nightmares won't be gnawing on a turkey leg in his car while giving Sirius a serious workout.

PG said...

Twas the night before the semi's
And all through the league
The Hot Dogs were favored
Because their G-M was P-G

The lineup was selected
by P-G with care
In hopes that 3K's rules
would end up being fair

I'll be sure not to wear my new Jay Cutler threads
While visions of 70% dance in my head

With Old Linc ranked 7, and I ranked #6
Whom do I start, Donald Driver or Hakeem Nicks?

When on PG blog, there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my laptop to see what was the matter

Away to the comments section, I flew like a flash
Saw 3K's comments, PG he did bash

When, to my wondering eyes should appear
That I'm in the playoffs, and he is nowhere near

With my boy, Donald Driver, so lively and quick
I knew at that moment, the Nightmares ass I will kick

Old Linc spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
Starting Campbell and Ganther made PG just smirk

And laying a finger on the side of his nose
Rob Bironas and Jets defense in one word just "blows".

PG sprang to his couch, to his team gave a whistle
Looking forward to the moment where he gave Old Linc his dismissal

And PG exclaimed before the big Sunday fight
Old Linc, you will lose, and next week Giant Mike.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Well done PG, very well done.

Cornholers said...

For clarification purposes...

The winners of the Semi-Finals will compete vs. each other for the lions share of the pot in the Championship game. 70% goes to the victor of that game, with the loser receiving 20%.

The losers of the Semi-Finals will matchup in Week 16 in a consolation game. The winner of that will receive 10%.

Essentially 3 of the 4 teams left will be in the money.

Michael said...


J ger, I guess I cant too much to you, you did beat me..

Old Linc, I am sure PG will find a way to keep you abreast of the score..

Hoosier Heat, I am looking for revenge, I got it last week against the Cobras, your next...

Old Linc said...

I wrote a song for PG and those 8 fantasy squads who get to watch the Varsity teams this Sunday
Happy Channukah everyone…

The fantasy playoffs are a festival of egos
Instead of a pre-determined playoff system, 3k makes it up as he goes

When P-G feels like the only team in town that can defeat mighty Linc
Here’s a list of PG personnel who remind me of N’Sync…

Ricky Lynne Williams puff puff give
Donald Driver used to sell crack and drive a bus, he may have the HIV

Guess whose parents are the only ones who know what their names be…
That’s right; it’s your tight end Fred Davis and your kicker Garrett Hartley

The Longhorns are half a franchise, TallCorn’s half one too
Put them together, not a fantasy win could they accrue

You don’t need Robert Meachem or that stingy Texans D
Cause by that time DeSean Jackson will all ready have me 50

You’ve got Miles Austin and his teammate Joe Flacco
Championship, this is the Nightmare, I just wanted to say HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tell your friend Jason and his girlfriend Jimmy’s Daddy
It’s a Nightmare surge into the championship…CO, see you on December Twenty-Sevie

PG said...

KING!!!!! That was awesome, Linc. Well done, sir.

Michael said...

Wow, that was awesome...

Mike said...

I only read this horseshit when my team is involved, and considering the Rockpile was out of it by Labor Day, I have been on holiday for a while.

While I took a moment to pause and applaud the old "Toilet Bowl" joke, there is part of me that was disappointed as well. The reference that 2 last place teams should host a game that is titled after a porcelain device where shit is deposited took me back to middle school. Gentlemen, at least have the decency to call a last place match what it is - The Stay at Home and Go Fuck Yourself Bowl.

Good day.

PG said...

Well said, Bronco Mike. The old "toilet bowl" monniker is a battle tested and time honored superlative given to teams that underachieved.

The Stay At Home And Go Fuck Yourself Bowl sounds intriguing. Perhaps 3K will add that contest during championship week?