Gut Check Friday

Cornholers-5
Baby Gorillas-5
Your classic see-saw battle. Gorilla's dominating at the plate and 3K is toeing the rubber like a champ. I envision Maverick and Goose on the beach volleyball court, going tit for tat with Iceman and Slider (in one of the gayest scenes in cinematic history). Every fruity spike by Maverick is dug out by a glistening and sun soaked Iceman. As I reapply my mirrored aviator sunglasses and look across the net to see 3K spinning his laptop on his finger, I know this is gonna go down to the wire. And make no mistake, I will hop on my crotch rocket and drive off to Charley's house a victor come Sunday. I just hope she'll let me take a shower when I get there.

The SwinGERS-6
Client #9-2
Tied-2
What a fun matchup to follow. The Ger, fresh from a vacation to the Magic Kingdom, comes home to a nice lead against the Fighting Spitzers. He's running on all cylinders and if he keeps this up, he may just get back to .500. And don't get me wrong, Baby Bisho is throwing up some quality numbers too. This contest is akin to the extremely suspect race on the beach between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed in II. Both giving everything they had, pushing each other to the limits, searching for the true eye of the tiger. Let's just hope they don't hug each other incessantly and frolic in the surf afterward.

Lawndale Longhorns-8
Year 2000!-1
Tied-1
I can just picture New Linc sitting on his throne in Lincoln, Illinois, pawing a frothy can of Schlitz, bellowing out an sadistic laugh (picture Dr. Evil in Austin Powers). Where did this guy come from? What looked like a rotting carcas a month ago is now the second coming of Mickey Rourke. Just don't thank your dogs at any award shows. Meanwhile, Ed is looking like the old Mickey Rourke after one of his "professional boxing matches". Somewhere between 9 1/2 weeks and Johnny Handsome, Fenway Ed (like Mickey Rourke) is toasting to innocence lost as he watches his team go the way of Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

Clark & Addison-5
Hoosier Heat-4
Tied-1
This is as close as it can possibly get, two second place teams forced to do battle. I am reminded of Chip Douglas and Stephan Kovacs standing shoulder to shoulder in the middle of the ring of Medieval Times. As I sat on the edge of my couch, riveted by the improbable showdown, I could not begin to fathom who would merge victorious. This matchup is clearly in the same league.

Tallcorn Cobras-5
Jimmy's Daddy-3
Tied-2
The feature matchup of the week. The one we've all been waiting for. An extravaganza, of sorts. As T-Dub and Hef saunter to their laptops each morning, "You're The Best" by Joe Espisito blares in the backgrounds of their minds. This one is for all the marbles (which at this point in the season, is bragging rights). And right now, T-Dub is looking a lot like Johnny Lawrence in the beginning of the All Valley Tournament, vanquishing schlubs at will. Cut to Hef, who, like Daniel LaRusso, is holding his own too, drubbing poor man's Cobra Kai's, like the token black guy and the overweight and underappreciated fat guy. Will this end up like the movie, with Hef throwing the old crane kick on T-Dub on Sunday night? Or will it end as it should have been scripted, with Johhny tearing Daniels head clean off and beating Miyagi to death with it. Stay tuned.

CO Yankees-5
The Rockpile-4
Tied-1
Speaking of Daniel LaRusso, Yankee Mike (for those who don't know, he looks eerily like Ralph Macchio) is winning!!! And not only winning, winning decisively! It looks like The Rockpile is going the way of Wes Mantooth (cue Brian Fantana holding up two fingers). At the beginning of the week, it looked like Rocky Mike was circling the CO Yankees on his ten speed, with Yankee Mike urging his team to keep a tight perimeter. As the week has gone on, Yankee Mike has sent a message to Rocky Mike, and that message was this...let's dance dickweed. And as they head into the weekend, the CO Yankees have another message...come get a taste.