Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Opening Day Musings

The Gorillas are hitting very well but the pitching is abysmal. Now Brandon Webb is nursing a stiff shoulder. After last nights outing, he deserves a stiff fist to the face. The Rockpile is the exact opposite. Absolutely stellar pitching (especially from a svelte Felix Hernandez).

The Cobras are taking it to 3K, with Brad Hawpe leading the way (somewhere Rocky Mike is snickering). Cliff Lee threw up a shitburger, but T-Dub has time (and the horses) to recover. 3K's club was absolutely enemic (with the exception of Brian Roberts). Roberts, however, looked like a Mary running down the orange carpeting during the opening ceremonies, so we'll call it a wash. Seriously, is Detroit cursed?

Yankee Mike checking in with a early skunking possibility. Very level day for the the Colorado Yankees. If I were grading, I'd give him a C+ (C for Cantu). Hi, Mr. Hackman, it's PG, it's around 11:32 on Tuesday...didn't know if you knew, but we started fantasy baseball this week...you should probably let your players know.

The highly touted Longhorns of Lawndale are losing to the basement dweller of last season. For all of you rational thinkers who will say, "hey, we've just had one day of games"....I say, "that's right fuckers, so stop ripping on the Yankees".

A tight race for the Daddy's and Linc. Hanley coming through big time for Hef and Chris Ianetta providing the power for C&A. Fantasy rule #2,543...never draft a red headed pitcher.

I'm sure #9 is calling me a moron for blasting his Ian Kinsler draft pick. He certainly cannot say that for Ryan Zimmerman. Hey Fenway Ed, wouldn't it be great if Taylor Teagarden gave Jarrod Saltalamachhia the old Nancy Kerrigan? BTW, I'm calling it right now...Shin Soo-Choo will be the star of this team. BONZAI!!!! (yes Ed, I'm aware he's not Japanese).

10 comments:

Jason said...

Thanks for not mentioning my team name, but rather referring to me as last year's bottom dweller...HAHAHAHAHAH

Shane said...

Your assessment could not be more accurate. Mere hours into opening day my pitching staff had a bloated ERA of 37.3. Thank god the season is young!

Mr. Hackman said...

I think Sabathia and Shooter closed down the little bar in Hickory Sunday night before his start...

ARodsACyssie said...

It's a long week in fantasy land. Jenks with a Save today, Gordon with a HR and Dye with 2 hits (and a near SB) will tighten this race up.

More importantly, the White Sox sit atop the AL Central all alone....hey, let me enjoy it while I can!!

Emerson Rose Clark said...

Hey Ger, you gotta earn that mention. And with that picture of you in front of the Fenway Park sign...that's strike two.

Edward said...

Where's the high five for my starting pitchers earning W's in their first four starts?

As for Shoo, I think he says something like "SAMSUNG!!!!!!!!"

Jason said...

Am I crazy, or did a six month old just talk trash to me???

ARodsACyssie said...

I'm not a Cubs fan - I think everyone knows that - but I couldn't help but notice the absent of Marmol in last nights game. What gives?

Edward said...

He got Dutch Ovened...

PG said...

Hey guys, I'm in the market for a starting catcher, let me know if anyone wants to talk turkey.